Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
