Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
