There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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