Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
