Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
