you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
