How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
