just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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