so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
