3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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