He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
