The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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