Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
