Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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