obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
