I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize