pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
