my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
