he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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