You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
