I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
