Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
