I have demons in me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
