So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
