the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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