ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
