guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
