Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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