I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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