i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
