Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
