Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
