Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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