Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
