I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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