i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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