If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
