"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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