Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
