While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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