Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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