we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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