by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
