I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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