someone threw a dead crab at me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
