I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
