return my video game
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
