If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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