help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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