I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
even my farts smell like vagina
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
