the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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