Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
