So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
