i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
