where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
