genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
