A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
