would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
