My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
