It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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