You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dick very happy bro
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
