The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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