tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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